Todd Daniel

Dear Me,

In Uncategorized on July 11, 2010 at 8:55 am

Dear Todd,

I recently saw a photo of you and was shocked to discover that you have become a pear. When did this happen? You used to be a gymnast. I have photos to prove it. Your feet used to be things you could actually see and touch, and not an urban myth. And if matter is never truly created or destroyed in this universe, what poor creature has sacrificed themselves so that you may take up twice the space you should? I want answers. And results. And I want them this year. I know you are in there, Todd. And from the looks of it, you have company.

Fondly,

Todd

Todd weighs in:  Five years ago, I used to stand under waterfalls in skimpy swim trunks and feel pretty good about myself. Today, it would take a cascade the size of Niagara to cover my torso, and I would be wearing parachute pants and a tunic as my swimwear.

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  1. You are very cute. I like you both ways, as a Ute Warrior and as a typical American. Does the word “bear” appear anywhere in this blog? I can’t find it. Also, I recommend the book Good Calories Bad Calories by my idol, the brilliant science writer Gary Taubes. It will help you lose weight and help you learn a whole lot about how stupid scientists are.

  2. P.S. Who is Todd Daniel?

  3. You might know Todd by one of the following names: Tevye, Taffy, Tippy, Toddy, Teve or Coach. I will check out that book right away. And if you have more weight loss advice, perhaps you should consider becoming a guest writer. We could call your column “The Richter Scale.”

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