Todd Daniel

Posts Tagged ‘Theory of Relativity’

The Theory of Fat Relativity

In recipes on July 26, 2010 at 9:14 am

Ego equals More Corpulent friends (squared)

Dear Todd,

Hey, Einstein. I heard about your new theory. The one where you claim that you are only as fat as the company you keep, or something like that.

Please give Mama Cass, Orson Welles, and Babar my best.

Yours in theory,

Todd

Todd weighs in: Due to my diet and my recent stint as nursemaid to my elderly in-laws, I find that I’m not only subsisting on carrot sticks and apples, but I’m cooking more fattening food than ever before. It’s actually been enlightening to know that I have the self-control to not devour everything I am creating in the kitchen.

This got me thinking: Maybe my fatness would be less devastating if everyone around me was heavier. So now, while I’m happy to share the details of my weight loss, I’m also going to share a recipe guaranteed to put pounds on those around me. It might be the most horrifically fattening creation I’ve ever made (the nice thing about cooking for old people is that they don’t ask a lot of questions about what went into a dish, and they really don’t give a rat’s fat ass about calories – plus we are trying to err on the heavy side with my in-laws who, together, might actually weigh less than me).

Todd’s Buttery Silver Dollar Pancake Bread Pudding with Caramelized Apples

Calories per serving:  approximately 10,000 (without ice cream)

Aside from the apples, there is no other nutritional information needed for this recipe, since none exists. This recipe serves one, or possibly two people depending on the generosity of the first person.

INGREDIENTS:

1  apple, peeled, cored and cut into small thin pieces

Approximately 12 to 14 silver dollar pancakes, regular or whole wheat

1/3 cup sugar, plus more for sprinkling on extra empty calories

1 tablespoon honey or maple syrup

2 tablespoons butter, plus more (softened) for extra greasiness

1 egg, beaten

1/2 cup heavy cream, half-and-half, or milk

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Dash of nutmeg and a dash of cinnamon

Pinch of salt

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter a 3-inch deep, 5-inch diameter ramekin or other suitable baking dish. Check your blood pressure.

In a small saucepan over medium high heat, place apples, 1/3 cup sugar, honey (or maple syrup), and 2 tablespoons of butter and stir until sugar and butter are melted. Continue stirring occasionally until apples are softened and mixture has a caramelly (it’s a word) consistency, about 5 minutes. If the mixture seems too thick add a bit of fruit juice or water. Let cool slightly.

Call your doctor and get permission to proceed with this recipe. Hopefully, he or she won’t be in the office and you’ll go ahead without supervision. In a separate bowl, whisk together the beaten egg, cream, vanilla, nutmeg, cinnamon, and a pinch of salt. Try not to exert yourself.

In the buttered dish, begin layering the ingredients as follows:

Start with a tablespoon or so of the cooled apple mixture. Lay 3 or 4 pancakes on top of this and pour about 3 tablespoons of the egg mixture over them. Sprinkle about a teaspoon of sugar over the moistened pancakes and begin the layering again, starting with the apple mixture and ending with a sprinkling of sugar. Continue until all of the pancakes have been used, ending with a sprinkling of sugar. Dot the top of the pudding with 1 tablespoon of softened butter.

Place dish on a piece of foil or a baking sheet (I had butter flowing out of the sides during the baking process). Place in preheated oven for 30 minutes, or until top is puffed and bubbling and you gain weight just looking at this damn mess that started out as a few leftover pancakes from breakfast.

Let cool (at least slightly) before serving.

Recheck your blood pressure after sampling your creation.

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